to my daughter...

this outpouring can be attributed to (at least) two events:
1. watching tom cruise attempt poetic beauty in "cocktail" far too many times
2. reading the thoughts of a friend i am privileged to know (anonymity prevails so that
a)this amazing person's vulnerability will be protected and
b)this amazing person's ego will be contained)

therefore, the following is a letter to my 'yet to be born' daughter.....

you are my treasure. it's unfathomable that i could be entrusted with the life of another person, moreover a person who has half of my genetic make-up. if you are reading this (or possibly i am reading it to you), it means that God has answered a lifelong prayer. i couldn't love you more. i couldn't desire to protect you more. i couldn't be more honored to live the role as your mother.

i can promise you......
love regardless of your choices
protection until we are separated by death
earnest requests on your behalf to Him who is able to keep you in perfect peace
support in your endeavors
encouragement in your triumphs and failures

i can guarantee.....
you will see flaws in my character
you will witness my poor choices
you will be frustrated with my decisions for you
you will view me as antiquated and unfair

i wish i could tell you that i'll be with you to witness you grow up; to see you experience high school. dating. graduation. college. career. to laugh about stupid elementary boys. to cry over high school boys. to over-analyze college boys (yes, they are to a high degree still 'boys'). i want so badly to watch you achieve your goals. to be at your wedding. to walk you through pregnancy and parenthood. to experience these events with a mother; this is the thing i desire most strongly for you. if we are separated prematurely, i trust that the Father will provide godly women to influence and walk this life with you. for so long i've felt cheated becuase i didn't have a mother, but at the same time i've seen God's hand of protection in the women He has allowed me to know and learn from (btw-don't end a sentance with a preposition).

i'm sorry that i've lived selfishly thus far. i didn't think of you when i gave too much of myself to him. i didn't think of you when i decided that male attention could suffice for real relationship. i didn't think of you when i chose good enough instead of truly good. i'm enormously grateful for the redemption and grace that have overcome the foolish choices i've made and continue to make. these past experiences have enabled me in adulthood to connect with girls in the midst of frighteningly similar situations. i beg the Lord that you are not faced with these same crossroads, but if so i also pray that you trust the discernment that comes from Him.

today i live in the dream that one day you will be mine. i won't live flawlessly before or while you are with me. i will, however, strive to be a teachable child of Him who calls us to holiness

i love you more than immensely