just got back from what has turned into an annual trip to Mexico. Many things were different the second time around-and some situations remained. The poverty. The sacrificial living. The joy amidst what we consider unlivable situations.
I hurt coming home
I return to comfortable surroundings-they stay there
I return to a clean home-it rains in their bedrooms
I eat when I'm hungry-they eat when they have food
I complain when I'm inconvenienced-they live a joyfully inconvenienced life
I hurt in my human-ness
it won't be long until I rarely think about and even forget that their lives continue in the same manner whether I am with them or not.
has God protected me or them?
I know I am weak. Is it possible that He allows me to live here becuase I wouldn't trust Him there? because my faith would shatter? because I wouldn't have joy?
where is home?
it's such a fluid concept to me in the last year-home. Do I stay? Move? USA? Abroad? Home won't solidify itself until I realize and live in the knowledge that home is not here. Home won't be here. Is it even possible to understand that while you're alive, or does the thought establish itself as you come to the end of human existence? One of multiple questions I wish I could ask Mom.
2 comments:
I'm glad you're back--from Mexico and on your blog. this is a beautiful post. thanks for being real and sharing your heart.
love you!
Steph, I miss you LOTS!
BUT I wanted to let you know that I'm engaged!!!
My e-mail is steffyr5@hotmail.com if you want to me e-mail sometime and let me know what's new!
Love you lots!
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