Rent Is Due...

I remember the day well. I was playing a game of Pounce with my NanNan (known to the rest of the tri-state area as Karan. Who are we kidding? She's known worldwide!). We would almost always listen to showtunes while playing Pounce. This musical was the anti-Rodgers&Hammerstein. I was magnetized; she was bored.

My journey with Rent started there and continued...
* Summer 1999- I would sing the entire score word for word with Korban (being good Christians AND recent BCS graduates, we omitted the profanity).
*Fall 1999- My roommate Nicole and I would perform selected songs for IWU guests.
*Winter 1999- We took a road trip to Bloomington and finally lived the dream. We saw Rent live on stage (We being Tonya, Nicole, Korban, myself, and some guy whose name escapes me now- obviously a lifelong friend).
*Sometime 2002- Amy and I would sync up our discmans and listen to Rent simultaneously, thinking we were the coolest (apparently we couldn't afford a headphone jack splitter).
*November 2005- The film opens in Fort Wayne; Stephanie and I are among the first to see it.
*February 2006- The DVD is released; I of course watch it in its entirety, along with the special features (a 4 1/2 hour experience)

Of course I am drawn to Rent because of the music; it ignites this unbelievable passion inside the listener. There's more though; I'm drawn to the relationships in the story. More than anything else, Rent is a story about relationships.





4 very different, very deep, and at times very devastating relationships...

Roger and Mimi-Each trying to fill in the holes left in the other; selfishness interrupts, then selflessness overcomes

Angel and Collins- Living in the here and now, wondering how long the here and now will last

Joann and Maureen- Faith and Trust vs. Jealousy and Pride

Mark- The observer, the encourager, the one who is stepped on

Ultimately, each character lived with the mindset that all anyone has is TODAY. They lived as though this is it. Do whatever makes you happy, whatever makes you feel good. All love is good and true, no matter who it is you're loving. This is dangerously close to the truth that I know. It sounds so great, but I know that it is contrary to real TRUTH. These fictitious characters didn't mean a lot to me until I realized...

I know a Roger.

I know a Mimi.

I know an Angel.

I know a Collins.

I know a Joann.

I know a Maureen.

I know a Mark.

WE ALL DO.

And then I wondered, Am I one of them?

Are You?

While You Were Sleeping...

Sleep, oh the bliss of this glorious thought! It's odd how the meaning and value of sleep changes during a person's lifetime...
...During the first years of life (not that I remember them well) sleep dominates the daily schedule. *I used to stand up in my crib and say, "Mommy I'm waking!" just to inform my parents of the break in my sleep-enduced coma.
...As a toddler, napping is still part of the routine, but most kids are against it. *I of course, went against the norm.
...As a child goes to school, sleeping is replaced with recess; what a trade-off! At this phase, kids will do anything to stay in on the action instead of going to sleep. *My brother was much more prone to this way of life than I. His energy seemed to be boundless, unless we were in the car. To this day, Josh is asleep before we even cross the Ohio border.
...Somehow there is a shift from "You can't make me sleep!" to "You can't make me wake up!" This typically happens in teenage years. *A few weeks ago I was taking care of some kids for friends. Getting one of them up in the morning was much harder than expected; in the end, I used the method of surprise. Her brothers ambushed her. It wasn't the most pleasant, but it was very effective.
...In college, sleep was a treasure. My roommate Amy and I knew that it wasn't even worth it to attempt conversation in under 30 minutes after waking up. We also knew the joys of sleep; that weird yet blissful sound one makes right before drifting off. Sleep~We didn't need much of it, but the little we had was priceless.
...Now I find that I've come full circle; I'M IN DIRE NEED OF SLEEP!!! Maybe I need rest instead. Is it the age 25? Is it having to leave for work before dawn? Is it the stress of life?

I long for sleep. I crave it. I treasure it. It is precious to me. It can also be my downfall...

And now I wonder; what have I missed while I was sleeping? And by this I am talking about the number of times I go through the motions of life sleeping with my eyes open. I just try to get through the day. Try to make it pass quickly. Try to speed it up. I miss conversations and interactions that could be beneficial. Could be significant. Could be eternally significant. I don't want to sleep any longer. Life is a blip. I can't afford to miss what God is doing and saying while I was sleeping.

(Thanks to Ryan Toupin for falling asleep and drooling so that this post could be enhanced!)

Jobless and LOVING IT!

It is official: I am changing careers. When they (the actual 'they' I can't recall) gave the lecture in college about how many people don't have a career directly associated with their degree, I vowed to use my expensive college education until the day I died.....ahem....sorry Dad.

Not that what I'll do won't be music related; it will just be more of an avocation than a vocation. I'm thrilled to say that I am pursuing my dream job of being a button-pusher!

Confession: I used to spend Christmas money not at ToysRUs, Target, or American Eagle.....
but at OFFICE DEPOT!

It's amazing that the moment I started to ask God if I needed to change jobs, He started to bring opportunities my way. In reality, He didn't have to do this. He could have said, "Steph, leave the job you're at. I'm not going to show you anything else to pursue for awhile, so you'll just have to trust Me." How immensely hard would that have been?! This is not to say I have another job ready to go; quite the contrary. For being in such a state of limbo, I feel 'surreal-ly' content.

I hadn't thought about John 15:5 in awhile. EricHall used talked about it all through December; but alas, it is February. Change isn't something I gravitate towards. I usually find something that works and stay with it well after it doesn't work anymore. God is taking me out of the normal and into what I now deem as the 'void'. BUT He promises fruit if I remain in Him. Sounds like a plan!

Change

I'm making a giant life decision tomorrow. In all honesty I made it a week ago, but those it affects will learn of it tomorrow. It's scary, exciting, stressful and peaceful....what a dichotomy!
I am personally keeping Higher Grounds in business (this is not the life decision I made). I go there now to do many things I could do at home, but somehow the addition of a vasto skinny coconut mocha makes me more productive. Yesterday I was listening to a friend talk of her latest life decision...going away to college. Change has always curled my toes, and not usually in a good way. We had an epiphany: without God, change would send us into mental institutions! Praise the LORD for His omnipresence!

On the wall of the coffee house, the black marker board read this:
The only way to cope with change is to help create it.


...Just one more reason to justify daily trips for coffee

The Importance of Being Earnestly Literate

My friend Laura is quite possibly the most genuine, selfless, and others-minded person I've ever known. I leave each conversation with her thinking of the new way I saw Christ in her; and how He is revealing Himself through her to me. She probably has no idea she is influencing me with such magnitude. She may just think we're having coffee...
My brother has the same effect on me, even to the extent that had it not been for his blog, I wouldn't even know what one is much less write one myself. http://thelongbrake.blogspot.com He inspires me to do many things; some massive and others minute. Lately, it has been to read.
I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. But I was outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing the saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes, and he never opened his eyes.
After that I liked jazz music.
Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way. ~Donald Miller Blue Like Jazz
Thank you Josh; Thank you Laura

Though the Fig Tree Withers

While we were tearing down that same woman's house in Matamoros, I noticed an odd tree. I'd never seen this kind before (though I confess I haven't paid much attention to trees since my Mom, Grandma, and I went on a leaf hunt for my 3rd Grade project). I tried in my best Spanish to ask what kind of tree it was. She couldn't remember the name, but knew it was in the Bible. She went into her 'house' and brought out a well-worn Spanish Bible. Opening to one of the gospels, she showed where Jesus spoke about a fig tree.
Habakkuk 3:17-18
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
This lone fig tree standing in the rubble is an image engraved in my mind. Rejoice in the LORD always

Building and Tearing Down

It happened a month ago, but it's effect is active now. Thus begins what I can imagine will be many posts about what God did to, in, and maybe even through me in Mexico.
On our last day working in Matamoros, we met a woman in need. She would soon lose her home because it was built on land that was being repossessed. Her hope was to tear her house apart by piece, store it, and rebuild it on her own property. Calling it a house is sugar-coating it. We climbed on the roof, pried apart each piece, sorted, and tried to salvage her home. It was one of the most humbling experiences of my life. What I viewed as trash; this was her treasure.
Who knows if she will rebuild her house. Who knows if any of the materials can still be of use. This is what I know:

See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame. Now to you who believe, this stone is precious. But to those who do not believe, the stone the builders rejected has become the capstone.

She knows the Stone; I know the Stone. We will trust, and we will never be put to shame. THIS STONE IS PRECIOUS.